Parenting is the most challenging job we will ever have and the one for which we are the least prepared. Having been a kid and having parents is not enough training. We tend to parent the way we were parented or as a reaction against it.

In most families today, both parents are working – and working longer hours – leaving them less time with their children. There is a wide range of contradictory information about child rearing in books, magazines, television and online.

Lack of knowledge about child development has parents using “time-out” and its derivatives as the only discipline tool regardless of a child’s age. There is confusion over the difference between discipline and punishment. As the number of single parents and blended families proliferates, parents and children are often dealing with multiple discipline styles and approaches to parenting.

At every turn, there are headlines about what parents should and should not do, and the influx and influence of technology and media leaves parents overwhelmed. Parents are left wondering how they should respond and prepare their children for an increasingly complex, time-impoverished, techno-world.

Parents need strategies to thrive that bring joy and confidence to their parenting. Where do they learn these strategies? At a parent education course – particularly one that takes place once a week over a number of weeks where the information provided and relationships formed build over time. Parenting is after all, a process and there are no quick fixes.

There are many types of parenting groups based on different theoretical models being developed daily. The ideal parenting group is one based on democratic values that once learned are enhanced over time as children mature and families change.

We do live in a democracy where today’s children know their rights and are entitled to be treated as equals, at least in terms of human worth and dignity. As s a result, the parenting programs at Family Services of the North Shore have embraced the Adlerian/STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) model that is based on mutual respect, the social consequences of misbehaviour, self-discipline not punishment, and encouragement.

These programs are aimed at promoting greater understanding of the various stages of child development so that as children grow older and change from tots to teenagers, parents learn practical and effective ways to promote and maintain harmony within their families. Today, the autocratic/authoritarian model is doomed to fail. An equal relationship with children means one based on mutual respect and cooperation, not rewards and punishment.

Participation in the group process has many benefits. It is based on research and a theoretical framework. Parents can relate their own ideas of childrearing and develop their own parenting plans. It gives parents an opportunity to share feelings and experiences with other parents of children the same age and stage. This normalizes what parents and children are doing and whether more help is needed and where this help can be found.

A sense of trust builds with each session while meeting with familiar faces, and confidence is inspired by a knowledgeable and experienced facilitator. Parents get an opportunity to exchange information and clarify techniques and strategies such as the use of natural and logical consequences. Groups provide a safe, confidential environment to practice parenting skills.

Regardless of what we say to our children, our body language gives us away; supportive group members can draw this to our attention. Once relationships in the group are formed there is a sense of commitment and focused learning. It can be easy to put off reading a parenting book or watching a CD but if people are counting on each group member each week, it is more difficult to procrastinate.

Many parenting programs including STEP have specific learning outcomes and are accompanied by a book, but parents do have input into the weekly agenda. As a result, groups are tailored to group needs and not limited by a structured curriculum such as presented in an online program, for example. According to research in learning methods, parents are more likely to implement what they have experienced, seen, done and discussed with others than by what they have read or seen on video without group support.

People often say that children don’t come with operating instructions. Families may not be machines but assistance is available in parenting groups. Register for one today.