Re-Learn to Say No and Get Your Life Back
September 30th, 2010 04:59 PM
As children, one of our first words is “No.” And because children focus solely on themselves “No” gets used a lot!
Quite rightly, adults teach children to consider other people’s wants and needs. Children learn they are not the centre of the universe and that other people have feelings too. In addition, for our safety and development we learned that adults “know what is best” for us.
And so our “No” begins to lose its potency. We do what we are told in order to be protected, loved and fed. We learn that our “No” is often unacceptable to grown-ups.
Then we reach adulthood and the world of “Yes” opens up for us. Whatever career, hobby or subject we want to learn about, whatever activity we want to do, wherever we want to travel – it’s all available to us like never before. Let’s add technology to the mix – enabling us to be in contact with everyone at all times via phone, email or instant-messaging in its many forms.
Then add to that the enormous range of choices we make everyday – the type or brand of food we eat, which insurance policy to choose, which car or house to buy, which TV, internet or cellphone provider to use – and on it goes. Endless choices, endless decisions to make, endless things to do – and never enough time. We are stressed out.
So, what to do about it? One of the most empowering skills we can re-learn is how to say “No” – both to ourselves and others. In the busy world we live in there will always be a better option somewhere! There will always be more to do than time available. You simply need to decide what really matters to you, focus on your priorities and let go of the rest.
“There are only two words that will always lead you to success,” says author Jack Canfield. “Those words are yes and no. Undoubtedly, you’ve mastered saying yes. So start practicing saying no. Your goals depend on it.”
The re-learnable skill of saying “No,” of learning to honour your values, is what makes the difference between people who truly enjoy life, and people who are constantly stressed – always busy doing one thing after another, after another...
Remember that by saying “Yes” to one thing, you are automatically saying “No” to something else. By saying “Yes” to long working hours you may be saying “No” to family time or friendships. By saying “Yes” to helping others out, you may be saying “No” to being rested or working on your life and goals. Are you living your priorities or someone else’s?
So, why not start to be conscious about your choices? Say “Yes” to things that enrich and enliven your life, and say “No” to the things (and people) that drain you. Over the days and weeks ahead, perhaps you will think about this: By saying “Yes” to something, what are you saying “No” to?
And if you’d like some help deciding what to say “No” to? Well, you could start by making a list of the Top 5 things you are tolerating in your life right now (you know what these are). And simply resolving to say “No” to one of those “tolerations.”
“From today I am going to say “No” to… ” Now doesn’t that feel better? Like a weight has been lifted? Well, try this once a month and I guarantee you’ll feel better! Watch for next issue’s article where we’ll look at techniques for how to say “No”!
Emma-Louise Elsey is a Certified Life-Coach and NLP practitioner. 604-990-9068 www.simplicitylifecoaching.com
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Oct - Nov 08
Quite rightly, adults teach children to consider other people’s wants and needs. Children learn they are not the centre of the universe and that other people have feelings too. In addition, for our safety and development we learned that adults “know what is best” for us.
And so our “No” begins to lose its potency. We do what we are told in order to be protected, loved and fed. We learn that our “No” is often unacceptable to grown-ups.
Then we reach adulthood and the world of “Yes” opens up for us. Whatever career, hobby or subject we want to learn about, whatever activity we want to do, wherever we want to travel – it’s all available to us like never before. Let’s add technology to the mix – enabling us to be in contact with everyone at all times via phone, email or instant-messaging in its many forms.
Then add to that the enormous range of choices we make everyday – the type or brand of food we eat, which insurance policy to choose, which car or house to buy, which TV, internet or cellphone provider to use – and on it goes. Endless choices, endless decisions to make, endless things to do – and never enough time. We are stressed out.
So, what to do about it? One of the most empowering skills we can re-learn is how to say “No” – both to ourselves and others. In the busy world we live in there will always be a better option somewhere! There will always be more to do than time available. You simply need to decide what really matters to you, focus on your priorities and let go of the rest.
“There are only two words that will always lead you to success,” says author Jack Canfield. “Those words are yes and no. Undoubtedly, you’ve mastered saying yes. So start practicing saying no. Your goals depend on it.”
The re-learnable skill of saying “No,” of learning to honour your values, is what makes the difference between people who truly enjoy life, and people who are constantly stressed – always busy doing one thing after another, after another...
Remember that by saying “Yes” to one thing, you are automatically saying “No” to something else. By saying “Yes” to long working hours you may be saying “No” to family time or friendships. By saying “Yes” to helping others out, you may be saying “No” to being rested or working on your life and goals. Are you living your priorities or someone else’s?
So, why not start to be conscious about your choices? Say “Yes” to things that enrich and enliven your life, and say “No” to the things (and people) that drain you. Over the days and weeks ahead, perhaps you will think about this: By saying “Yes” to something, what are you saying “No” to?
And if you’d like some help deciding what to say “No” to? Well, you could start by making a list of the Top 5 things you are tolerating in your life right now (you know what these are). And simply resolving to say “No” to one of those “tolerations.”
“From today I am going to say “No” to… ” Now doesn’t that feel better? Like a weight has been lifted? Well, try this once a month and I guarantee you’ll feel better! Watch for next issue’s article where we’ll look at techniques for how to say “No”!
Emma-Louise Elsey is a Certified Life-Coach and NLP practitioner. 604-990-9068 www.simplicitylifecoaching.com
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Oct - Nov 08
