Stress is not a four-letter word, but it’s often expressed through them. Why, after decades of research into the causes and effects of stress, have we not mastered it yet?

Actually, we have and very well indeed. Most people know how to do stress so well they could have a PhD in it. If you ask a room full of people, “Who knows what stress is?” everyone in the group will raise their hands and begin to rattle off a dictionary’s worth of experiences and symptoms. Yet we’re still mystified by it, as though it’s an unseen force directing our lives like an untrained dog running a household.

Stress is really more of a feeling: pressurized, overwhelmed and stretched to the max in response to demanding situations and circumstances. If we don’t want to feel stressed, we have to alter how we react to events. As we learn to take charge of our stress reactions we master the art of transforming stress. This means responding to life – from daily irritations to major crises – from a place of calm and confidence. Over time, as we cultivate a state of inner balance we begin to see this mirrored in our outer lives. Eventually the situations we once found stressful no longer cross our paths or enter our doorways.

How you typically react to stressful situations? Do you panic, worry, blow up, melt down, run away, hide, blame others, beat yourself up, dramatize, bulldoze, shutdown, complain, or all of the above? Many people have a combination of their favorite stress reactions for any given day. The results are not pretty, though, often affecting one’s health, relationships, career, and family.

A way to master the art of transforming stress and all its consequences is by shifting your typical stress reactions into healthier responses. How would you like to respond to stressful situations? There are four attitudes that will support you in adopting a new style:

Acceptance
If you find yourself reacting with one of your typical stress reaction styles, notice if you are in a state of resistance – that place of fighting or denying reality. Instead, try accepting the situation as it is, whether you like it or not. This will create a reprieve, letting new possibilities and solutions emerge. Practice accepting the people and circumstances of your life – as they are in the moment – and notice the feeling of relief.

Ease
If you tend make more effort when stressed, only struggle will ensue. Tension, headaches and other body aches are triggered by holding, effort and struggle reactions. Letting go of effort and struggle and moving into a state of ease will unlock the bottleneck pressure and allow situations to flow more smoothly and productively. Notice the next time your jaw or hands are clenched or you feel like you are trying to make something happen, and instead choose to relax and allow the situation to unfold with ease.

Amusement
Do you become very serious when under pressure? Does being serious support the situation or help you to feel better? Switching to amusement will lighten both your mood and your load. A little bit of laughter goes a long way in easing stressful moods and resolving problems, as it opens and broadens perspectives. If you find yourself getting too serious, think of something funny, or imagine pushing your amusement button and feel every cell of your body giggling with one another.

Gratitude
When you’ve been experiencing ongoing stress, do you hear yourself complaining to others about it, or griping in your mind? This only creates more resentment and heaviness. If you truly want to feel less stressed and want to find solutions, focus on what’s going well in your life instead of on what’s going wrong. What we focus on grows so by noticing the uplifting aspects of your life you will feel uplifted. And because like attracts like, you will bring more positive experiences into your life. Try it now and notice how it wonderful it feels.

Acceptance, ease, amusement and gratitude. The next time you encounter a stressful situation, take a breath and choose one or more of these and watch the stress melt away.

Gini Grey is a Transformational Coach and author of the book, From Chaos to Calm, and the CD, Create What You Want In Your Life. www.ginigrey.com

Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Aug - Sep 08