Setting Resolutions That Work!
December 21st, 2010 11:45 AM
Each New Year we have another opportunity to let go of the past and define the future we want.
Millions of people around the globe set resolutions for the year ahead but most give up part way through. In fact according to statistics, 23 per cent of resolutions are broken in the first week and 45 per cent by the end of the month.
So, what can we do to improve those ratios?
Well firstly we need to get committed. We say, “I’d like to” …eat more healthily …stop smoking …make more time for me. And often we’re thinking “It would be nice to” or “I really should.” But the key elements of making a decision and a commitment are simply not there.
Everyone has had that experience of really wanting something and then just going out and making it happen – because when you want something enough you find a way to make it happen. In coaching, when people express their goals and then repeatedly avoid their actions it’s time to explore where they are holding themselves back. There are times when it doesn’t matter how much you want the goal because your hidden resistance will find a way to sabotage you. We call this your “secondary gain.”
To identify your secondary gain you can ask, “How do I benefit by staying just as I am?” Maybe in the case of a fitness goal, you get to stay in bed longer in the morning or you get to continue enjoying your daily doughnut.
The famous motivational speaker Anthony Robbins says its all about pleasure and pain. When the pain gets bad enough, we will do something about it. But often the pain of where we are at the moment simply isn’t enough for us to make the changes we think we want. We choose to put up with known, familiar pain, rather than take the potential hit of unknown, unfamiliar short-term pain to change our habits.
01 Choose something for yourself, not because someone else (or your inner critic) wants it for you.
02 Keep it simple and choose one thing to focus on. Don’t spread your attention too wide.
03 Keep it small. If the resolution is too large a change, it will be all too easy to fall back on old habits.
04 Make it worth doing – challenging enough to hold your interest and make you feel good when complete.
05 State your resolution in the positive. For example, if you’re giving up nail-biting, try “I have beautiful nails” so every time you think about it you are reminded what you want, not what you don’t want.
06 See a slip as an opportunity to refocus. What can you learn, change, avoid or do differently next time?
07 Tell people you trust about your resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.
08 If you have a bigger goal, choose a transition step or “journey goal” for your resolution to create a firm foundation for your larger overall goal in the future.
09 Get committed and write it down. Now put it somewhere you will see it regularly.
10 Use dates and measures to make the resolution specific and measurable. How else will you know you are on track or have succeeded? When we see progress or an improvement it spurs us to keep going.
Emma-Louise Elsey is a certified life-coach and NLP practitioner who helps people blossom in their careers and personal lives. Contact her at 604-990-9068, visit or e-mail emma@simplicitylifecoaching.com.
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Dec 06 - Jan 07
Millions of people around the globe set resolutions for the year ahead but most give up part way through. In fact according to statistics, 23 per cent of resolutions are broken in the first week and 45 per cent by the end of the month.
So, what can we do to improve those ratios?
Well firstly we need to get committed. We say, “I’d like to” …eat more healthily …stop smoking …make more time for me. And often we’re thinking “It would be nice to” or “I really should.” But the key elements of making a decision and a commitment are simply not there.
Everyone has had that experience of really wanting something and then just going out and making it happen – because when you want something enough you find a way to make it happen. In coaching, when people express their goals and then repeatedly avoid their actions it’s time to explore where they are holding themselves back. There are times when it doesn’t matter how much you want the goal because your hidden resistance will find a way to sabotage you. We call this your “secondary gain.”
To identify your secondary gain you can ask, “How do I benefit by staying just as I am?” Maybe in the case of a fitness goal, you get to stay in bed longer in the morning or you get to continue enjoying your daily doughnut.
The famous motivational speaker Anthony Robbins says its all about pleasure and pain. When the pain gets bad enough, we will do something about it. But often the pain of where we are at the moment simply isn’t enough for us to make the changes we think we want. We choose to put up with known, familiar pain, rather than take the potential hit of unknown, unfamiliar short-term pain to change our habits.
01 Choose something for yourself, not because someone else (or your inner critic) wants it for you.
02 Keep it simple and choose one thing to focus on. Don’t spread your attention too wide.
03 Keep it small. If the resolution is too large a change, it will be all too easy to fall back on old habits.
04 Make it worth doing – challenging enough to hold your interest and make you feel good when complete.
05 State your resolution in the positive. For example, if you’re giving up nail-biting, try “I have beautiful nails” so every time you think about it you are reminded what you want, not what you don’t want.
06 See a slip as an opportunity to refocus. What can you learn, change, avoid or do differently next time?
07 Tell people you trust about your resolution and ask them to hold you accountable.
08 If you have a bigger goal, choose a transition step or “journey goal” for your resolution to create a firm foundation for your larger overall goal in the future.
09 Get committed and write it down. Now put it somewhere you will see it regularly.
10 Use dates and measures to make the resolution specific and measurable. How else will you know you are on track or have succeeded? When we see progress or an improvement it spurs us to keep going.
Emma-Louise Elsey is a certified life-coach and NLP practitioner who helps people blossom in their careers and personal lives. Contact her at 604-990-9068, visit or e-mail emma@simplicitylifecoaching.com.
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Dec 06 - Jan 07
