Rejection is unavoidable in life. Whether it’s “Sorry I can’t make your party,” “Not tonight darling,” or being turned down for a job. Whatever the “it” is, learning to handle rejection better is something that can make a significant improvement in our lives. Because no matter how kind, attractive or good you are at your job there will always be someone who will say, “No thanks.”

Do you like everyone you meet? Because it’s perfectly natural to like some people and not be so keen on others. And in the same way that there are some people we don’t want to go for dinner with or have working for us, there are other people who feel the same way about us. It’s normal and it’s going to happen, so why waste time and energy taking it personally?

Rejection is a myth anyway. Before your request for a dinner date got turned down you had no one to go to dinner with and after the supposed rejection you still have no-one to go to dinner with. Nothing has actually changed except how you see yourself.

Rejection can even be a bonus. What if someone you loved was picking their favourite people to jump off a cliff with them? Or how about in high school, if the girl or guy you really liked was outrageously drunk and choosing people to drive home in their brand new super-fast sports car?

So, what is rejection then? It’s simply how we choose to interpret events – it’s all in the mind. No-one can make us feel rejected – we do that all by ourselves.        

Now, on a good day I’m sure you’ll remember that rejection is perfectly natural and move on with your life. But for those not-so-great days here are five additional strategies for “Mastering the Art of Rejection.”
 
1. Stop making assumptions. You don’t know why they said “No” and the only person a negative assumption harms is you. If you insist on making assumptions, why not assume instead it was because you’re “Too gorgeous,” “Too helpful” or “Over-qualified”?

2. Look for the Learning. Don't cheat yourself out of information that can be useful to you next time. Sometimes you need to ask why you got turned down. Maybe they found someone more suited or maybe you do need to improve. But you won't know unless you're willing to as

3. “Next!” The strategy of fearless repetition. J.K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected by every publisher in Britain and almost all in the US with lots of reasons why the book wouldn’t sell. Walt Disney lost his newspaper job because his editor accused him of "having no good ideas.” Imagine if they had believed what they were told and given up.

4. So what! It could be “Not with you,” “Not this time,” “Not there” or “Not that way” but ultimately no is just a word. Are you really going to care in 10 days, 10 months, 10 years? Lighten up, stop taking yourself so seriously! So they said “No.” So what?

5. Taking it gracefully. So, you would have preferred it if they said yes. But that’s all. You’re still you! So, next time you’re rejected simply say, “Thanks for letting me know – obviously I would have preferred it if you had said yes.” Simple, dignified, honest.

I’ll leave you with some words from Eleanor Roosevelt who summed it all up when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” Enough said.

Emma-Louise Elsey is a Certified Life-Coach and NLP practitioner. 604-990-9068 www.simplicitylifecoaching.com

Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Oct - Nov 07