Be Your Own Valentine
December 28th, 2010 07:23 AM
February is the month when love is in the air, thanks to Saint Valentine. But here is a question for you: when did you last give yourself a Valentine?
This may seem like a strange question. And yet your relationship with you is pretty important – you’re the only person you spend your entire life with.
In Western culture instead of focusing on ourselves, we are encouraged to focus on things (like the car, house, latest accessory or gadget) or serving others (such as mother, friend, husband, caregiver). Growing up we learned to tailor our self to fit in to society, learning to hide the bits considered unacceptable and to amplify our “admirable” qualities.
Now we’re fully grown, but have become so used to our tailored self and role in society that our real needs and values have been squashed or pushed to the back of our minds. And for most of us this is so normal we don’t even notice it. Focusing on ourselves is often seen as being frivolous or self-absorbed.
The paradox is that if we do not cultivate our relationships with ourselves it impacts not only our lives, but also the lives of those we love.
Can you imagine for a moment a life where you truly accept yourself. You see your weaknesses as the necessary flaws that make you human, and remember that your past and future “mistakes” are how you learn.
Perhaps you can begin to imagine that you truly value and love yourself. You know what is important to you in life and you have prioritized your life around those things. You value yourself enough to say “no” -- to yourself and others. You do what you love – maybe not all the time, but enough to create joy in your life.
How does that feel?
Self-love is not the same as selfishness. Self-love is the ability to focus on your good points instead of pointing a glaring searchlight on your faults. What would it be like to look into the mirror and see a person of great potential?
Well, I agree with Buddha when he said: “It is not perfection we must seek, but freedom of the heart.”
All it takes is a shift in the way you think about yourself. I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but when we change how we think our actions cannot help but follow.
Five ways to Be Your Own Valentine
1. Inspire yourself with a thoughtful card, picture or simply some flowers. Place somewhere you will see and enjoy often!
2. Say “No.” Saying “No” allows you to say “Yes” to something else. What would saying “No” allow you to say “Yes” to?
3. Take yourself out for coffee. Somewhere you can relax, perhaps with a nice view or warm cozy atmosphere. Now, relax quietly and answer this question “Who do I want to be in life?” Write it down and put it somewhere you will see often. After making a decision, refer to it.
4. Be a VIP. Treat yourself to a massage or spa treatment. Ask friends to recommend someone. Do it just for you and feel wonderful afterwards!
5. Write down 30 things you love doing – from the little things (like smelling flowers) to the big things (like visiting foreign cultures). Pick three and find a way to make them happen – you may be surprised how much happier you feel.
We cannot divorce ourselves. Learning to accept and ultimately love yourself is probably the most liberating thing you can do with your life!
Emma-Louise Elsey is a certified life-coach and NLP practitioner who helps people blossom in their careers and personal lives. Call her at 604-990-9068, visit www.simplicitylifecoaching.com or e-mail emma@simplicitylifecoaching.com.
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Feb - Mar 07
This may seem like a strange question. And yet your relationship with you is pretty important – you’re the only person you spend your entire life with.
In Western culture instead of focusing on ourselves, we are encouraged to focus on things (like the car, house, latest accessory or gadget) or serving others (such as mother, friend, husband, caregiver). Growing up we learned to tailor our self to fit in to society, learning to hide the bits considered unacceptable and to amplify our “admirable” qualities.
Now we’re fully grown, but have become so used to our tailored self and role in society that our real needs and values have been squashed or pushed to the back of our minds. And for most of us this is so normal we don’t even notice it. Focusing on ourselves is often seen as being frivolous or self-absorbed.
The paradox is that if we do not cultivate our relationships with ourselves it impacts not only our lives, but also the lives of those we love.
Can you imagine for a moment a life where you truly accept yourself. You see your weaknesses as the necessary flaws that make you human, and remember that your past and future “mistakes” are how you learn.
Perhaps you can begin to imagine that you truly value and love yourself. You know what is important to you in life and you have prioritized your life around those things. You value yourself enough to say “no” -- to yourself and others. You do what you love – maybe not all the time, but enough to create joy in your life.
How does that feel?
Self-love is not the same as selfishness. Self-love is the ability to focus on your good points instead of pointing a glaring searchlight on your faults. What would it be like to look into the mirror and see a person of great potential?
Well, I agree with Buddha when he said: “It is not perfection we must seek, but freedom of the heart.”
All it takes is a shift in the way you think about yourself. I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but when we change how we think our actions cannot help but follow.
Five ways to Be Your Own Valentine
1. Inspire yourself with a thoughtful card, picture or simply some flowers. Place somewhere you will see and enjoy often!
2. Say “No.” Saying “No” allows you to say “Yes” to something else. What would saying “No” allow you to say “Yes” to?
3. Take yourself out for coffee. Somewhere you can relax, perhaps with a nice view or warm cozy atmosphere. Now, relax quietly and answer this question “Who do I want to be in life?” Write it down and put it somewhere you will see often. After making a decision, refer to it.
4. Be a VIP. Treat yourself to a massage or spa treatment. Ask friends to recommend someone. Do it just for you and feel wonderful afterwards!
5. Write down 30 things you love doing – from the little things (like smelling flowers) to the big things (like visiting foreign cultures). Pick three and find a way to make them happen – you may be surprised how much happier you feel.
We cannot divorce ourselves. Learning to accept and ultimately love yourself is probably the most liberating thing you can do with your life!
Emma-Louise Elsey is a certified life-coach and NLP practitioner who helps people blossom in their careers and personal lives. Call her at 604-990-9068, visit www.simplicitylifecoaching.com or e-mail emma@simplicitylifecoaching.com.
Copyright North Shore Magazine Issue Feb - Mar 07
